In early January of 2008, my hometown newspaper printed this brief about one of my peers:
Davis man caught with his pants off
A Davis man found himself in the Yolo County Jail this morning facing vandalism and prowling charges--all over a pair of misplaced pants, police said.
According to Sgt. Scott Smith, a resident in the 200 block of J Street awoke at about 12:40 a.m. today to noises coming from the garage area of the home. When he investigated, he found a man, dressed only in a button-down shirt and boxer shorts, trying to get into the home.
"My pants are in your house--let me in," the man reportedly said. The resident shut his front door, locked the deadbolt and called 911, but the man was able to kick open the door, Smith said.
A struggle ensued, and the resident detained the man until police arrived on scene. Jeffrey Jorgensen, 19, was lodged at the Yolo County Jail on suspicion of felony, vandalism, prowling and public intoxication, Smith said.
The whereabouts of his pants remains unknown.
In the week after, Jeff Jorgensen was all anyone could talk about. My high school was big, and few people who discussed the article actually knew Jeff personally. But the incident, apparently fueled by too much gin at a "Risky Business"-themed dance party, became folklore for all the Davis kids back in town on winter vacation. "That article reads like a poem!" said a friend of mine.
Indeed, the article tells a very elaborate story in a short space. It includes all the important details but leaves a lot for the curiosity of the reader. The humor in the piece is revealing; the author, either a PR person for the police or a staff writer at the paper, was clearly tickled by the event.
Certain awkward and inaccurate aspects of the article lead me to believe that the author didn't work for the paper, though I wouldn't put it past the Davis Enterprise to write crap. "Davis man caught with his pants off," for example, would be a more cutting headline without the "his." The last line-- the punch-line, really-- is the best and worst part of the piece. When I am in Davis, I still occasionally hear people repeating this line to one another at parties: "They actually printed that! 'The whereabouts of his pants remains unknown!'" Unfortunately, the author blew the punch-line by making a clumsy grammatical error; the phrase should have been, "The whereabouts of his pants
remain unknown."
And as for the whereabouts of his pants? I know them! After the article was printed I held my own investigation. It was rumored that the host of the original party (not the one that ensued when Jeff kicked down the door of an unwilling host) had to sign an official statement explaining the whereabouts of Jeff and his pants for the Jorgensen family's lawyer. For months after the party, Jeff's pants sat neatly folded on a desk in the front room--where he originally took them off to dance a la Tom Cruise.